Co-Parenting For a Win-Win-Win

Co-Parenting Coaching: I offer you a tailored approach to your co-parenting family needs. Co-Parenting coaching does not need to be a long term process. In just 3-6 sessions you will gain the info and tools to move forward into your co-parenting relationship with the confidence of knowing you will continue to raise secure and well adjusted kids. They deserve it and so do you!

As a trained mediator and as a co-parent myself, I am very familiar with the challenges faced by single parents, especially those who have been recently separated, who are trying to raise a child as co-parents. The tendency is to let problems that exist between the co-parents spill over into their parenting. Instead of working together, the two households are at war with one another. There are no winners: both parents suffer, and the child/ren suffer more.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way. I am currently writing Co-Parenting for a Win-Win-Win, a book that will be published with New Harbinger and will be released in 2023. It will offer co-parents a way to reframe their relationship so it functions effectively and helps their child to thrive. Then each co-parent is a winner, their co-parenting team gets a win-win, and when you add the child… you have a win-win-win!

Co-Parenting for a Win-Win-Win is grounded in the science of attachment theory (e.g., Bowlby, 1988). Secure attachment refers to the bonding between a parent and young child that gives the child a stable and secure basis from which to negotiate life going forward. A child with a secure base can weather the storms of adverse experiences—such as those caused by divorce—much more easily than a child who doesn’t. Co-parents who understand this principle have a significant advantage because they can learn how to provide secure attachment for their child, even while no longer living under the same roof.

As I have applied attachment theory in my practice, I devised what I call the “principles of engagement” for successful co-parenting. I have further defined these principles as the six Cs of co-parenting. I have found that when co-parents follow these relationship principles, they create a safe haven for their kids, reducing the short- and long-term negative impacts of a separation.

1. Certainty: agreeing to engage with each other and committing to the responsibility of showing up as a co-parent, thereby creating trust and reducing anxiety for all

2. Collaboration: working together to create a shared vision for co-parenting, and then working toward mutually decided goals and outcomes for your child, thereby creating win-wins, trust and inclusion, and a sense of empowerment

3. Consistency: providing a consistent structure and routine for your child, thereby fostering stability, reliability, and predictability

4. Clarity: communicating clearly and calmly through email, text, and/or phone and in person, thereby minimizing misunderstandings and conflict, and providing accountability

5. Consideration: being respectful of each other and not speaking negatively about each other in front of or with your child, thereby reducing blame and criticism and not burdening your child

6. Community: providing external support systems, thereby fostering a sense of belonging

Aurisha Smolarski,MA,LMFT,PACT Therapist 
Couples, Co-Parenting and Trauma Therapist
4620 Hollywood Blvd 90027
323.203.1526             c.2020